Whew; what a summer! And now I'm back in the great state of Kansas after spending a few weeks out east. It was nice having a great job this summer and knowing that when I came back to KS I would start the last year of my degree. I can't believe that after all these years I will finally have my PhD come May. Then what, real life? Oh goodness...I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit.

I met many great people this summer and one in particular. We're dealing with long distance at this point and I'm planning a visit next month. I can't wait to be close again...even if just for 4-5 days. :)

School is intense this semester...comps are around the corner (also in about a month), which is daunting. There's so much to memorize and spit up when the time comes. Add a recital a month behind that, and yeah, you've got a glimpse into my Fall 2010. It's both thrilling and terrifying, and regardless of how much I prepare, time continues to advance at its rate. I either hop on for the ride or fail. I guess it's time to handle my shit.

Hugs and loves.
Mim

Pearl of Wisdom...

Oh trashy tv...you teach me so much.

"You don't need an invitation to your own life."

Lovely.

little things...

I find it amazing that with all the exotic flavors and tastes out there, that a slice of wheat bread and butter can taste so good.

That's all.

Life updates...

Hi all, and to all, I suppose I mean my one follower. Hi Katie!

I have moved from Lawrence, KS, for the summer to upstate New York. I love this area of the United States. It's a slower pace from the hustle and bustle of academia, and the hours in the day seem to tick by slower. I feel like I can get so much more accomplished in one day here than I can in an entire week back home.

I'm working here this summer in the arts, and am looking forward to spending 14 weeks in one of my favorite locations: Schroon Lake, NY. Go ahead, mapquest it. I'll wait. It's a small town in the mountains that thrives off of tourism, and wouldn't you know it, music is everywhere here.

A quick Grandma update: she fell due to an awful gust of wind snatching the porch door (and her with it) on Easter night. Since then she has been in the hospital and then a nursing home to build enough strength to be placed in a rehabilitation center. We have been worried about a small bleed in her brain due to the fall, and then her irregular heart rhythms. I think if she had not had a pacemaker, we would have lost her weeks ago. It has kept her heart beating enough to let her sleep and build her strength. I feel bad leaving her like this and running off to NY for the summer, but at the same time I couldn't pass up this financial opportunity. Isn't it strange this awful guilt we artists feel when we finally get a little bit of a break, and then have to weigh it against the emotional needs of family life. Life doesn't seem fair at times. She is in rehab now and they are working her daily in both occupational and physical therapy, and spending some time working with speech therapy. Hopefully she's able to get back to her independent way of life.

My family and I went to NYC this weekend. Being from the midwest, it was quite the culture shock for them, and they kept their freakouts down to only one. Other than that I kept them busy with a double-decker bus tour of the city since they are both in their upper 50s, and the thought of walking city blocks made me nervous for them. All in all it was a nice time. A bit overwhelming feeling like I had to walk at a slow pace to make sure I didn't lose them, but I'm glad I got to experience this with them because I hadn't been on a family vacation in quite some time.

I hope you are doing well, Katie! ;)
hugs.

Taking flight...

So on Easter evening my grandmother took a trip....literally. She went to open a screen door and the wind caught it--thus flying her out with the door and she smacked into the concrete ground. Her outlook was dim and I was called to the hospital back home. She's dealing with some internal bleeding, a broken nose, and an unrecognizable face. I feel awful for her. I walked in the room and got a "You look great" through swollen eyes. I responded with "Aw, you look ...great...too." "Liar" she said. I love my grandma. Her prognosis improved yesterday and I think she's going to pull through, despite looking like a character out of Return of the Mummy 2.

All of this while I'm trying to make sure I have the opera memorized next week. It brought to my attention, yet again, the pull between family and singing. It's hard when you are a lead character in an opera with no understudy. When emergencies happen you don't know what to do. When there are several people in the cast plus instrumentalists involved, which way do you turn. The same happened on Easter morning. This was the first year that I didn't go home for the holiday. It felt strange. Easter lunch at a bar in Topeka didn't really equate to a homemade Easter dinner with the family. I think this pull is something that many musicians and artists feel. Holiday seasons are typically our busiest times, and many times, our families don't understand why we say we can't make it home.

I'm glad I went home yesterday and was there to help Grandma take her first few bites of "real" food--jello. It felt like an odd circle of life moment.

Observing...

It makes me frustrated to watch people I care about spiral into self-abusive patterns. I realize there may be emotional, physical, and mental scars that make them consistently do things that hurt themselves and the loved ones around them, but eventually I wonder what is the fine line of me watching from a distance (thus not getting involved) and me trying to control them.

That's not to say I don't have my own issues, and my own destructive behavior (ahem, fancy cheeses and not exercising), but these tend to not endanger my friends and loved ones. I really hope my friends are able to get a handle on these situations (benefiting their emotional state and their intended careers. But if not, I will continue to sit back with my cheese bites.

Celebration.

Happy Birthday to my LLNSLP.

That would be: Life-long, non-sexual, life-partner.

Time Crunch...

Goodness. Now that I've deleted my Facebook account I am amazed at how much time I have to get things accomplished. That being said, I cannot believe how quickly days fly during the week. I NEED MORE TIME. I need to memorize this opera for my performance in April. I need to get organized for my summer move to New York. I need to register for classes for next semester. I need to get organized for my comprehensive exams that will be in the fall, and get my study binders organized and ready to go to New York with me as well.

I just need a lot. And I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to be needy, as long as you are proactive in crossing things off your list on your own as well.

Off to another rehearsal.

PS: I need more money too. [eye roll]

ouch...

You know what feels great on a day when you have a coaching with the collaborative artist from Eastman? A crick in your neck and back--damn pillows.

Here's hoping.

So far...

Alright, I've successfully managed to be off fast food for three weeks now. I haven't cheated. I don't count Buffalo Wild Wings as "fast food," and even though I went there, I got grilled chicken rather than fried. I've stuck to eating at home unless I grab a salad at the salad bar at school, and have replaced many snacks with apples...they are still my friend if accompanied with a slight swipe of peanut butter.

Julie (my Kitchenaid mixer) did make a second cake, but I've been limiting myself to one piece a day--if even that. I'm surviving and I'm not actually missing the fast food. I saw a commercial for chicken nuggets today...and I didn't even lust after them. Actually, I think I was more addicted to the dipping sauce than I was to the actual nugget itself.

In other news, but still in the category of progress and change, I have also gone to the gym every week day we've been back in school. So three weeks, no fast food, two weeks, gym. I keep it to an hour a day because I get bored. Tonight I lucked out to get the bike with the television attached to it. Thank God. It gave me something to focus on--other than the fact I was sweating and not eating.

All in all, I am happy with these transitions. It's funny how easily I was able to make these little adjustments after trying to convince myself for years that they would be detrimental to my schedule and routine. Hello laziness; you're yet to be missed.

All for now. An apple is calling my name.

Cravings are subsiding

Well today I met with a composer friend of mine. She is writing a children's opera based on fairy tales, but incorporating themes of rising above abuse and violence. It's an interesting concept and today we really worked through the libretto to make sure her wording was concise and age-appropriate. We met at First Watch in Kansas City. First Watch is not my favorite establishment, but they do have an amazing salad, Pecan Dijon. I highly recommend it: salad, grilled chicken, carrots, avocado, pecans, with honey mustard dressing.

Tonight for dinner I baked boneless chicken tenders (...maybe "shaked" them a bit too). I am splurging though tonight with yellow cake with chocolate icing (my childhood favorite). I have to break in my new Kitchenaid Mixer I received for Christmas. I feel I should name her....Julie...because I would never be so bold to actually name her Julia. The cake is cooling now and the house smells lovely.

I successfully drove past golden arches today and scoffed at them. Looking forward to next week when school resumes, and thus my regular schedule starts again. I think with having to focus more on school and homework that I won't be so bored and reclusive. I'm thankful for a wonderful school schedule this semester...only going to class Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. A four-day weekend every week will make for a happy Starving Artist.

All for now. I must now ice a cake. Thanks Julie. ;)

Goal 1

Continue my new found disdain for fast food. It's funny how this particular urge comes in waves. The snow has helped me avoid rushing across the street to McDonalds in a glossed over rage. I remember when the movie came out about people who were emotionally addicted to fast food, to which I scoffed. It's funny how we laugh through self denial. I can be having an awful day, and the thought of the dollar menu just brings that shimmer of hope to my soul. The first couple of cut-off days can be rough, but eventually, once completely removed, the urge isn't there. But as you drive down the street and see those blasted golden arches...I have to admit, my eyes start to gloss over. What have I chosen to replace it? Apples...now granted I like to put a tad of peanut butter on each slice, but STILL! Bananas have come in a close second (without peanut butter, though...if it was good enough for Elvis).

I love going out and eating with friends or treating them to a dinner, but the new goal is if we do that, it must be a sit down dinner, with a waiter.

Update on career: my new church job in Topeka is wonderful. The pay is double what I've been making in Lawrence, and there is a handy carpool that I can be a part of to cut down on driving expenses. The choir was very welcoming and were happy for me being the new addition.

It's 2 degrees outside ... unacceptable.

That's all for now. I need to work on some music today.

New Beginnings

It's 2010. I can't believe it. It's as if I blinked and my twenties rushed past me. I hope to make 2010 a year of changes, as do many Americans who promise to move more, eat less, go to the gym, stop smoking, listen more, blah blah blah. Hopefully I'm able to use this blog to document successful changes rather than to vent about "he said/she said" dramatics that so often fill the halls of Kansas University and my particular circle of friends.

AREAS TO IMPROVE:
Organization
Health
Career

Organization: I'm taking on quite a bit this semester and want to sit down and construct a plan of attack. As a graduate student at KU it's important for me to stay on top of my school work, students, and performance schedule (musician here).

Health: Is this a cliched area of discussion in January? I'm sure everyone is wanting to improve this or that, but my goal for 2010 is broader. Rather than focusing on a specific number, I want to make better choices in several areas that will increase overall health. These include getting plenty of rest, replacing the occasional soda with water, scheduling daily time for the gym, and being better in regular doctors visits.

Career: As a musician this can be difficult, but I've already secured an additional weekly church job in the area. This is in addition to my current church job, so I'm excited the time responsibilities don't conflict. I need to focus in this last year of my degree in order to have a marketable CV, resume, and audition packet for teaching positions and performance opportunities.

I look forward to the start of 2010, and want to utilize this online space to set small goals that will keep me on track.