Taking flight...

So on Easter evening my grandmother took a trip....literally. She went to open a screen door and the wind caught it--thus flying her out with the door and she smacked into the concrete ground. Her outlook was dim and I was called to the hospital back home. She's dealing with some internal bleeding, a broken nose, and an unrecognizable face. I feel awful for her. I walked in the room and got a "You look great" through swollen eyes. I responded with "Aw, you look ...great...too." "Liar" she said. I love my grandma. Her prognosis improved yesterday and I think she's going to pull through, despite looking like a character out of Return of the Mummy 2.

All of this while I'm trying to make sure I have the opera memorized next week. It brought to my attention, yet again, the pull between family and singing. It's hard when you are a lead character in an opera with no understudy. When emergencies happen you don't know what to do. When there are several people in the cast plus instrumentalists involved, which way do you turn. The same happened on Easter morning. This was the first year that I didn't go home for the holiday. It felt strange. Easter lunch at a bar in Topeka didn't really equate to a homemade Easter dinner with the family. I think this pull is something that many musicians and artists feel. Holiday seasons are typically our busiest times, and many times, our families don't understand why we say we can't make it home.

I'm glad I went home yesterday and was there to help Grandma take her first few bites of "real" food--jello. It felt like an odd circle of life moment.

Observing...

It makes me frustrated to watch people I care about spiral into self-abusive patterns. I realize there may be emotional, physical, and mental scars that make them consistently do things that hurt themselves and the loved ones around them, but eventually I wonder what is the fine line of me watching from a distance (thus not getting involved) and me trying to control them.

That's not to say I don't have my own issues, and my own destructive behavior (ahem, fancy cheeses and not exercising), but these tend to not endanger my friends and loved ones. I really hope my friends are able to get a handle on these situations (benefiting their emotional state and their intended careers. But if not, I will continue to sit back with my cheese bites.